My first year with twins; breastfeeding

I know the twins are well over a year and haven't had breastmilk in 9 months now but I read this blog post today: http://www.merelymothers.com/2012/07/15/guest-post-breast-milk-in-a-bottle/ and it just makes me nuts-so! Besides all the other stuff in the news and media recently about breastfeeding.

Here goes my rant on breastfeeding....

I'm not sure if I had a different experience because I had twins who weighted 5.3lb. & 4.5lb and I just needed them to gain weight (although regardless of how big your baby is when it's born isn't weight gain the goal for everyone?!) Knowing twins were on the way and knowing that not everyone is able to breastfeed for multiple reasons I went in with a very open mind - I would try to breastfeed but ultimately I would do whatever I needed to do to make sure my chiklits were getting the nutrition they needed.

Turned out I had a snapping turtle (seriously that's what one of the nurses who helped me while we were in the hospital nicknamed V.) And she ruined my nipples immediately. But I sucked it up and waited for it to get better. EVERYONE said you just have to get through the first 2 weeks and then it's better. So for those first two weeks my poor nipples went through the ringer! Every 3 hours I would nurse V, pass her off to Dave for a couple more ounces of formula (because we were so paranoid they weren't getting enough to eat), nurse H, pass her off for a few more ounces of formula, pump for 15-20 min. to "trick" my body into making more milk so I'd have enough for both kids and we wouldn't have to do the extra bottle after nursing anymore.

Well 2 weeks went by. My boobs were SO confused because I was making more milk than the girls could take at one feeding (thanks to my "tricking"). I was so full come feeding time the girls couldn't even latch on. Dave had to go back to work so there was no more help around the clock for me. And so it just made more sense for me and my poor, sore, ripped up nipples to solely pump and be able to bottle feed 2 kids at once. Which even ended up saving me a little bit of time by cutting down 2 feedings to 1 [or really 4 feedings to 1 because we no longer needed to do extra bottles.] I still had to spend the time pumping and cleaning all the supplies each time so I probably came out even in the end but it's just what made sense to me at the time. It worked. It made me more available. It made me less stressed about having 2 hungry kids at once and only being able to feed one (although by this point I had mastered nursing one while bouncing the other with my foot.) It made me more comfortable leaving the house because I could work around my pumping schedule and bring along a couple bottles. I never felt ashamed or like a failure for my decision to stop nursing. I was just so happy to still be able to offer them my milk which was always my ultimate goal - I could care less how they were getting it.

While I did very well making enough milk for both at times I did need to supplement with some formula and again I didn't feel ashamed or like a failure or like I was feeding my kids poison. I was a formula baby and I am very healthy, have no allergies, good eye sight, did well in school, etc. and based on my decisions for wanting my girls to have breast milk (health benefits & saving money - formula is freakin' expensive!!) I felt I had a good track record being a formula baby, so I knew they would be fine as well. Regardless of what the Le Leche people preach to you while you are in the hospital and in all the breastfeeding books you try to read for any help once you get home.

Even though I went through all of this I guess I just don't understand why moms put this extra pressure on themselves. And why it's so hard and such an issue when mom and baby can't get nursing to work that they push and fight to make it happen. Feeding is a pleasure, it's something that should be enjoyed, there shouldn't be any stress involved and so for me the decision was obvious. And we were all happier for it.

And when the time came that they were napping less during the day, sleeping longer at night, and "busier" with crawling and scooting around and I was only getting a meal and a half a day in I knew it was time to unplug the pump. For the first time in my 'baby feeding' experience I was a little upset, even though I knew at that point there had to be more nutrients in the formula than in my milk. They were 8 months old and I had another couple weeks worth of milk frozen and while I was so happy to no longer be a slave to the pump I wondered if I had tried harder if I could have taken them through their first real winter with breast milk. But as I started to get the rest of my life back that thought became fainter and fainter and my girls made it through their first real winter on formula and the organic food I was home making for them and they did just fine.

Which brings up the end of my rant - people who nurse past a year. I know in other countries not weaning until 2-4 years is the norm and currently with all the hype on nursing in the US that may be our norm in the future. And how long a mom nurses is totally up to her and I don't care either way. I just find it irritating when a mom will pride another mom for breastfeeding for so long. If you want to nurse your kid 'til they are 4, power to you but I'm not going to compliment you on it. There's enough pressure in the breastfeeding world, no one that had their heart set on breastfeeding and had trouble wants to hear about the mom nursing past 12 months. And really if you made it past 6 months nursing you don't need the support! You and baby have it all figured out - you hit the big nursing milestone and for that I will congratulate you because it's not as "natural" as everyone tells you it is. And it's BS when they say if it hurts you're doing it wrong - it just f'ing hurts until your nipples callus and then I suppose it no longer hurts (I can't confirm this because I never got to that point.)